Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Ten Women and self confidence

Last week, I went to Ten Women, a women's artist co-op on Abbey Kinney in Venice, to pick up my contributing art dolls that were in their window display "Raining Art Dolls" through the month of September. The gal who was manning the post there casually invited me to show my current work at an interview of artists for an available space in the store. I said I would be interested and left with my dolls. I didn't speak with her about too many of the details because she got a call and I was anxious to return home to whatever I was doing. However, I did think about it a lot.
I thought...here is an opportunity to possibly have a place to sell my "new" art, get connected to a community of women, some of whom I already know I really respect, and acquire some good experience and a genuine kudo to my resume, if ever needed and feefback about my art.
I was among 4 other women who were invited to be there and were prepared (I was not) and I felt completely in the way, an unexpected intrusion, and an unprepared incidental who happened to be in the neighborhood.
When it was my turn, I was nervous and completely on the block to be scutinzed and judged and couldn't think of an intelligent thing to say. I did the best I could under the circumstances, left as quickly as I could and was totally relieved to be on my way home to safety and security.

My first thought was...thank you God, for the opportunity, this is really a testiment to my ability to believe in myself and work....but....whatever happens, so be it. It's in your hands.
I did wake during the night thinking that at my age, why was I nervous or intimidated? I'm too old to care...and...do I really want to do this? After torturing myself for awhile I did fall back to sleep and woke feeling that it was truly in Gods hands.

Today, I did receive a call from the the head honcho at Ten Women and was ask to return for a second interview to show more of my work sometime (which was unknown right now) in November to be considered for a spot in the shop. I was a bit shocked and elated at the same time. I am excited that they (the other 11 artists that were judging) feel that I am a contender to be among them and to be embraced as a fellow artisan.

How do I really feel...relieved. I had finally done something about putting myself out side my box of calligraphic art, work that I feel complete's me, and am trusting that this is truly what I'm supposed to be doing alongside my calligraphy. It feels like second nature to me. I can't explain it except that I've always known that I could paint and have on occasion, but was always pulled in other directions. My friend, Mara, who did do portraits, has given me her work over the years and I even asked if she would feel funny if I tried my hand at it intending to do so but never did.
I am now encouraged with the feedback I've been receiving online from other artists and now this acceptance, to continue doing what I'm doing and make it happen. I'm so enjoying the process and the end results and feeling really good about what I'm producing. At 62 I'm finally coming into my own....

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