Today, I had trouble staying focused on minding my own business which is one of my resolution this year. Anger is something I deal with on a daily basis although I have just discovered this. I've been told it's in regards to fear. I keep asking myself what the fear is in connection with the things that make me angry and the same answer keeps showing up...I'm not enough! I focus on things outside myself so I don't have to look at myself too closely. This is a huge revelation for me...
At Inspirational Retreat last night, I attended "Lifting the Veils" with Kathleen Dayvolt who is an Intuitive and Clairvoyant. It was powerful! It was a small group of people with different reasons for being there, different ages, backgrounds and awareness. But, one of the things we all ended up knowing is that the source is just "one" and that we were all connected. Like a large mirror that has been shattered, us being the pieces, but if put together, it would make a whole.
Kathleen was amazing, warm and open, sharp and knowing. I feel I am intuitive and would know someone who was trying to get over on me. But Kathleen had me eventually sobbing and drudging up stuff that I was trying to suppress for quite some time. There was no mistake why I was there last night. I've been in prayer about it for awhile now trying to find the answer to why I seek what I need outside myself.
I'm trying to make sense of my existence. Approaching 64 in another week or so, I'm seeing less time in front of me then behind me. What have I learned in my 64 years? Why am I so angry? I'm exhausted from it. It doesn't serve me today, never has...so why do I hold on to it? Why am I so fearful? Hasn't life been good to me? Look at the opportunities and all I have...this not being vast but I really don't need very much else at the moment. The point is, be grateful for my blessings and focused on now. I have and will be given what I need to take the next step if I trust this to be true. How simple, how easy! So???
Now you know why I'm exhausted and don't sleep. I worry about everything, everyone in my life. For today, or tomorrow as it is quite late, I will not fear or be angry, I will breath into peace of mind, stay focused on the task as hand, stay in truth, and know that I am a piece of the whole that is needed, worthy, and being taken care of as I am a precious part of the existence of the world. I know I can only change what I am thinking and let go because there is a greater power that is in control....TRUST and so it is!
And, one huge lesson that screamed at me is to ask, when in a challenging situation, to be shown a different way to see the situation that will reflects love, patience and compassion.
Whew! So simple yet so challenging. This will take practice for sure. I hope I will be able to sleep quietly tonight.