Sunday, November 13, 2011

Life is Changing

Life has been changing for me at a rapid pace for the past few months which is not so unusual, however, I'm tired.  So much is continually happening that it's hard to just stop and take a breath and take it all in.  I seriously need to slow down and life just keeps bringing me more challenges, hurdles and mountains to climb and new things to do and decide on.  I truly do not know how to stop it all from happening.

In the past, my MO was to run and start over thinking I will do it all differently and the outcome will be different.  I'm 65 and it has always ended up the same.  I am truly bewildered as to how to not end up in the same place once again.  I am down right tired...and not just because I had surgery only 4 weeks ago.  I just can't seem to put it all together and realize that I am not 40+, or even 50+.  I am 65 and I want to slow down.
How do you coordinate the brain and all the powers that be to make it all happen where the progression of slowing down happens gradually, in a timely manner, where you don't have to pull the plug on anything and be able to function and take good care of yourself.  Where did I go wrong?  It's like a thoroughbred at the gate just waiting until you lift it so it can dash about and keep running forward.  What I want to know is....... where am I going?

I am at 2 galleries, doing shifts at both.  One is new and the other just starting over in a new location.  Everything is new!  Lots of energy is needed with "new".  I'm still looking for my energy to spare. I don't even have energy for myself to heal let alone "spare".  Yet, being in these galleries is what I want.  I'm confused and life is constantly confusing me.  I have no words right now......

There's an old Musical called "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off".  It kind of feels like that at times.  And yet, there's the other side that has to be careful of my words, thoughts and actions.  Oh fuck!  I need a break!

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